She finally resides there.
Happily and peacefully.
"Things just break sometimes. Maybe we should blame that third person we became, that personality we shared together. Maybe it’s their fault because you’re a good person and I think I’m a good person too. We just weren’t made for this"
To be honest I’ve been thinking and contemplating on my purpose of writing this..but in the end I just came to a conclusion that I really need to end this,find closure and live.
So here it goes…
There is so much that I could talk about you, but most of it will only end up with an apology or another what ifs. Since the world that we currently live in is merely the size of a goldfish tank, I know that you are leading a happy and prosperous life. Please understand that I don’t intend to ruin anything cause since I know you too well ( I like to think so) you’d probably curse me when you know that this exist.
Firstly, you’ve always had the best and the worst of me, and to be honest I hit rock bottom when I finally digest the fact that I love you. Like i always quote, “if you love someone too much, you should let them be, let them free.” And trust me, it was not that easy, and it still is.
"I pray you’re okay. That it’s okay. I pray all the parts of you that I remember are still there. I pray that you’re happy. Even if its not with me”
Secondly, you will always have that part of me altho it is not your willing,neither it is mine, its just happens to be that way, I guess. But I have put you to the deepest place that I will no longer have access to. I’ve decided to keep you there as you were and as it is.
Thirdly, we were meant to break. No matter how much we tried to be functional, we didn’t work out. No matter how much we love each other, no matter how much feelings and how deep they were, we never manage to be together.
Regardless of the three paragraphs above, even tho its really shitty..and ugly…and nasty..I still believe that you once loved me, and you loved me hard, and I hope you’d know that I loved you too. Thanks for giving me those times, thanks for the times you refuse to give up on me altho you knew better I was two timing you, thanks for breaking me hard in the end. I deserve that.
I would lie if I were to say I have zero feelings for you, and I wanna be friends with you. We have this complicated thing between us. I know the only feeling you have for me is hate, it will be good if you have feelings at all. But I reckon you don’t. It’s okay, I’ve learnt that I should not care.
Our little unfortunate ending of infinity together, the insanity love we had for each other, I’ll bury it deep.
You can celebrate the fact that I’m going to admit this.
I hate this but I think
I should quit smoking. I dont think my lungs are that good anymore. Im thinking of ways to keep me healthy, back in shape, lose all this fat.
These are happy fats. Cause all we do is eat. I notice that my system does not accept smoke that well anymore so I guess its good to put it to an end. HA HA i might be eating my own words but well its a start.
I wish to be the best that you will ever had and a decision you will never regret.