#13

Panda,

You can celebrate the fact that I’m going to admit this.

I hate this but I think I should quit smoking. I dont think my lungs are that good anymore. Im thinking of ways to keep me healthy, back in shape, lose all this fat. 

These are happy fats. Cause all we do is eat. I notice that my system does not accept smoke that well anymore so I guess its good to put it to an end. HA HA i might be eating my own words but well its a start. 

Panda, 

I wish to be the best that you will ever had and a decision you will never regret.  

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#12

Its May 2014.

My second year in the working adult world. Yes, it sucks. Mother’s day just passed. Gawai will soon come.

Gawai = endless family sessions + eating + work + work + work.

The definition of Gawai for Masela. Well work does include me being the best listener to my mother, indais, inik, sister, and cousins. Im not complaining here I’m just trying my best to set my mind to be the perfect daughter, sister, auntie, niece, cousin, and granddaughter, I should be. 

I’ve come to an age where I want to be stable in everything. Being adventurous seems too ambitious for me. To risk everything on the plate and to go without any plans well I’m tired of that. But being too careful is not that fun either.

Over thinking things has become a nature to me. I’ve tried and still trying to not over calculate the aftermath of my action before even doing them. Baby steps they say, therefore its going to be like another 10 years for  the next carefree Marshellea to immerse. But il be 35 years old by then, with kids around my waist and maybe carrying one in it. So to be that carefree, I don’t think so. See I’m over thinking now *sigh*

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foggypebble:

The Perfect Fan - Backstreet Boys

Mother, mommy, finance manager, life manager, back bone, serious love and hate relationship

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#11 

It has been forrreeverrrrr..I blame it on my laziness 

Thanks love, for letting me write again eventho most of it is just emotional crap. Lets think of this as therapy la okay?

well I’m just done with MMFD (My Mad Fat Diary) Season 2, and I got emotional. 

I’m a person who has a thousand one of issues,most of it comes back to the frustration i have within me which I know is like committing suicide and then trying hard to revive my own self…which is rather silly. But still I go through that path eventho I know the pattern, the ending, the outcome. Along the way of feeding my temper and dissatisfaction, I’ll hurt every soul that I cherish. Intentionally or unintentionally. Either one, I truly regret them by the end of the day.

I have my own group humans that will recuperate me to my most humane self, but what if I lose them to my temper? This come to mind as I watch Rae lose every thing…

To be realistic, we each have that moment, where we get too carried away with ourselves. That urge to keep that balance, to make every single soul around you happy, which in the end kills you. Okay now I’m talking crap. 

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I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edges
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.

This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
of your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.

And I will not be afraid
of your scars.

I know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.

Clementine von Radics, Mouthful of Forevers (via mishproductions)

This.

(via mochro)

(Source: lovemestarkly, via eletheowl)

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The best part of a relationship is getting to call the person, or lay down next to them, and tell them all the crazy things that happened to you all day long. In the end that’s what it’s about. It’s not about sex, it’s not about the money they give you, it’s not about how good looking they are, it’s about them listening to you talk for hours and hours and hours, about stupid shit that doesn’t matter. Tegan Quin (via perfect)

(Source: saraddict, via faten)

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